12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
