I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
