If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
