I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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