that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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