Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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