From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
