sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
