I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
