you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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