i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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