He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
