are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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