Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
