12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
