I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
