is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
