is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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