Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
