I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
