im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
