i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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