Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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