In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
