Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
