I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
