How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
