Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
