1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
