4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
