please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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