She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
