I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
