I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
