I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
