Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
