I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
