Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
