In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
