im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
