What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
