i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
