I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
