ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
