Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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