Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
