I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
