Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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