She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
