I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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