A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
