something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
