dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
