the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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