well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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