if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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