Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
