Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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