i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
