I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
