Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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