Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
