Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
