I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
