I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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