My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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