Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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